Corona

Just because you have haters doesn't always mean you're doing something right. You might just be doing everything terribly wrong and won't shut the fuck up about it.

Savannah Workout

Strength Training : Throw the furniture out the back door and light it on fire.

Cardio 3x/week : Break dishes on the patio while drinking.

Warmup : Jump off the roof into pool
Cooldown : Crossbow target practice with any remaining furniture.

Training Diet : Biscuits, BBQ sauce, gin, green tea.

I'm not mad at personal trainers, but I like working out by myself and don't understand why anyone would drop that kind of money on a person to harass them with medicine balls and motivational screams. But this is America, where we prefer to be forced to do things while pretending we meant to.

I watch telenovelas in the gym.

Egyptian Porno Theater

A jackal is that kind of grinning dog-creature that shits where it sleeps and can't even do that without another jackal congratulating. They are the mean laugh track to all of life's crueler moments and can be found in all colors, genders, and industries, barking about how everyone is either stupid or a hater, but white-knuckle addicted to all that stupid-hater attention. Avoid the jackal in all your dealings unless you need to wake up every morning to the sound of screaming laughter as the pack tears off your pant leg, then tries to sell it back to you.

Incienso Refrescante Himalaya

I. Anarchy seems better as a religion than a government, and Catholicism is a better government than religion. For all we know, the Rosetta Stone is full of typos.

II. I can't remember if I've ever been to the Savannah Jazz Festival, or if that night in the park with a stage and lights when everyone was drunk and singing along to "Gimme That Wine" was just quick work by a wino with an opportunistic streak.

O Siete Potencias

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions because we all go there eventually but the vicious and ruthless at least use their leverage to ride in cars, where the good hearted are more useful as asphalt. Salud.

T OR D 2 REF

Opportunity doesn't knock twice.

After the first time, it breaks down the door and points a gun at your head.

Así es la vida

If websites were fruit, Twitter is a banana. It's easy to open, easy to eat, and while there might be some nasty spots, you can peel them off and keep going. MySpace is a tangerine because there's some useful stuff inside if you're willing to dig through the mess of leftover peel and sticky membrane. Facebook is a durian because it's massive, frightening, and once you get past the spikes on the shell, you remember the goo inside smells like dead garbage.