Savannah Workout

Strength Training : Throw the furniture out the back door and light it on fire.

Cardio 3x/week : Break dishes on the patio while drinking.

Warmup : Jump off the roof into pool
Cooldown : Crossbow target practice with any remaining furniture.

Training Diet : Biscuits, BBQ sauce, gin, green tea.

I'm not mad at personal trainers, but I like working out by myself and don't understand why anyone would drop that kind of money on a person to harass them with medicine balls and motivational screams. But this is America, where we prefer to be forced to do things while pretending we meant to.

I watch telenovelas in the gym.

Egyptian Porno Theater

A jackal is that kind of grinning dog-creature that shits where it sleeps and can't even do that without another jackal congratulating. They are the mean laugh track to all of life's crueler moments and can be found in all colors, genders, and industries, barking about how everyone is either stupid or a hater, but white-knuckle addicted to all that stupid-hater attention. Avoid the jackal in all your dealings unless you need to wake up every morning to the sound of screaming laughter as the pack tears off your pant leg, then tries to sell it back to you.